Can you believe we’ve reached three episodes? Which of these three contestants will advance to the final Round of 5?
The Steelers are in desperate need of a new franchise quarterback. In the weeks leading up to the 2025 college football season, we’ll be examining some of the top college quarterbacks eligible for the 2026 draft. However, we’re going to have some fun along the way. All responses from the “players” in this article are fictitious and stem from my own analysis, which is why some of the answers will offer analysis you would never hear a media-trained quarterback say. If you complain about this feature in the comments, just know that you’re a lint-licker.
If you’re looking for further explanation/context for this series, read our past entries, including:
- The series primer
- Vol. 1 Mr. Fantastic, the Natural, and the Lonestar Kid
- Vol. 2 Superman, Mr. Cool, and the Untamed
“Welcome to the Steelers QB Dating Game! Anddddd here’s your host, Steely McBeam!”
Steely McBeam: Welcome back, welcome back. Can you believe we’re still on air, folks? We had a tight race last week, much tighter than our first episode. With 53% of the vote, “Superman” LaNorris Sellers is moving on to the finale. One man here will join him. Who will it be? Let’s meet our contestants!
Prince Charming
Steely McBeam: If you’re looking for experience, you’re barking up the wrong tree with our first contestant. This signal caller might be green, but many already view him as the Prince Who Was Promised. Raised in New Orleans, this passer was the number one recruit in the nation* and has an experienced team around him. If we’re being completely honest, there’s a fairly substantial chance that his circle will advise him against coming out after just one season as a starter. We’ve only seen a small sample of him so far, but at 6’4 and 216 pounds, with a plus arm talent and mobility, he sure looks the part. Let’s get a round of applause for Prince Charming!
*All recruit ranks are via 247Sports
Casey Jones
Steely McBeam: Our next contestant gets his name from the Grateful Dead song of the same name. Watching his 2024 season was a thrilling and sometimes stupefying ride that I highly recommend to fans of gunslingers, and warn against for the faint of heart. Yet another native Texan in our series, this quarterback’s playstyle is reminiscent of a style of backyard quarterbacking that was prevalent in the region he grew up in. Fans might recognize what I’m talking about in the games of quarterbacks like Baker Mayfield, Kyler Murray, Patrick Mahomes, and Johnny Manziel, all players who led teams within a 5-hour drive from his hometown. And at 6’1 and 224 pounds, he resembles many of them in size as well. He was only a three-star recruit and just the 124th-ranked quarterback. In his first two years, he saw little playing time as he sat behind eventual No. 1 overall pick Cam Ward. Once he was finally given the reins, he proved that even though he can be chaotic at times, he seems to be right a little more often than he’s wrong. He parlayed his 2024 season into a transfer to the SEC. Let’s give it up for Casey Jones!
Slim
Steely McBeam: Our final contestant grew up on the West Coast and started his college journey there. The 7th-ranked quarterback in the country coming out of high school, he sat during his freshman year and then followed his head coach to a new team in the Big 10 in 2024. At just 19 years old, he was given the starting job for a team that had its last winning season in 2021 and was at its strongest in the early 2010s. Results were mixed in year one, but that isn’t entirely unexpected for a rebuilding program and a young signal caller. A dual-threat whose game is reminiscent of the Arizona State era of Jayden Daniels’ college career, consistency with his mechanical process and decision making will be key areas to evaluate for him in 2025. Standing 6’3 and 217 pounds, let’s hear it for Slim!
Steely McBeam: As always, we like to start by having each of our contestants describe their 2024 season. Take it away, gentlemen.
Prince Charming: I can start since it’ll be short. Overall, my team had an incredibly successful season, making it all the way to the semifinals of the college football playoff. I played a rather small role in that, however, appearing in seven games with just two starts.
I got my first major playing time in Week 3 when our starting quarterback went down to injury. I immediately displayed all the promise that made me a top recruit, running for a 67-yard touchdown and completing a 9-of-12 passes for 223 yards and four touchdowns, albeit against a less prestigious school from a smaller conference.
Our opponent in my starting debut was also from a smaller school, and though we won 51-3, my performance was up and down. I lost 4 yards on my only rushing attempt, and I completed just 51.7% of my passes for 258 yards, 2 touchdowns and 2 interceptions. Three drops made my day look a little rougher than it was — my completion percentage would have been 62.0% had they been caught — but it wasn’t a flawless game on my part and we were bolstered by a 4-touchdown game from our running back.
My second start, and last major action, came against one of the worst secondaries in all of college football. I capitalized, posting an 83.9% completion rate for 325 yards, 2 touchdowns and zero interceptions. I added 33 rushing yards and a touchdown on the ground as we cruised to a 35-13 win.
Now, in 2025, the team will be all mine to lead, and I hope to build off the flashes I showed in 2024.
Casey Jones: That’s a great feeling, man. That’s what 2024 was to me. There has been a lot of turbulence around my first school in recent years, ranging from a coaching legend departing for a more powerful conference, to another coach leaving over Covid-compliance, to our athletic director bailing on us for our rival school, to our conference nearly dissolving altogether.
That program has a losing record all-time and has recently struggled to do more than hover around .500. I led us to an 8-4 season, though the season ended with a four-game losing streak, including a bowl game I didn’t play in. Despite the disappointing end to the season, we finished as the 6th-ranked scoring offense in the country with 36.6 points per game. Prior to bowl season, I led the entire nation in combined touchdowns with 29 through the air and 15 on the ground.
When my offensive coordinator announced he was leaving to take the same position at an SEC school, I hit the transfer portal and followed him. With a step up in competition coming this year, a strong performance could vault me into the Day 1 conversation. If not, I have another year of eligibility I can fall back on.
Slim: As I mentioned before, I was the handpicked quarterback for my coach as he switched from our former school to our present one. Things started off great as we started the season off 3-0. That came against two smaller schools and a conference opponent who finished the year 1-8 in conference play. The rest of the season was a struggle, however, as we would only win two more games the rest of the way. The losses were particularly brutal, too. While two of our losses were by only one score, the rest were blowouts, with our losses coming by an average of 21.3 points.
A large slice of the blame can be given to our offensive line. The line lacked quality depth to begin with, not unusual in the first year of a new coaching staff. From that foundation, injuries and ineffectiveness led to a constantly rearranged starting lineup that struggled to gel. PFF graded our pass blocking as the 10th-worst in the country — out of 134 schools — and our running blocking didn’t fare much better at 23rd-worst. To paint an even clearer picture for you, my 38.2% pressure percentage was the 15th-most in the nation.
Despite this, I put some impressive highlights on tape. I’m a slippery and elusive runner, and when I’m given time in the pocket and can keep my footwork clean, I’ve got some tantalizing ability to layer and pinpoint passes that should have talent evaluators encouraged. The 2025 season will be all about showing that I can take a big step forward with better circumstances around me.
Steely McBeam: Let’s stick to that topic and discuss how each of you handles pressure in your face. Slim, you faced significantly more pressure, so let’s start back up with you.
Slim: Like much of my season, the results were a mixed bag. On the one hand, I was able to keep my pressure-to-sack rate at a respectable figure, considering the constant pressure I was under. Elsewhere, five other passers in this series have a lower completion percentage than I did under pressure, and three others were only better by 1.1 percentage points or fewer. My plus-mobility should help me improve in that regard in 2025, when I’m expected to have a more competent and healthy offensive line. However, I did turn the ball over four times, despite ranking 8th out of the 15 passers in this series for turnover-worthy play rate.
Casey Jones: My profile is also a bit over the map. I had zero interceptions on plays where I was pressured according to PFF, and I managed to toss 5 touchdowns in these scenarios. Only two passers in this series had a lower turnover-worthy play rate than me, and one other passer — the winner of our first episode — had the same rate as me. On the flip side, only one other quarterback was sacked more than me. As I mentioned up top, I play a backyard style of football with a lightning-quick sidearm release. This can lead to some exciting highlights, but — much like Russell Wilson and Justin Fields — it can also play into our offense’s downfall when I’m not able to escape the pressure, and in some cases, I create that pressure for myself.
Prince Charming: Listen, I only faced 26 pressures last year and we can’t possible judge anything from that.
Steely McBeam: But didn’t you have 7 sacks from those 26 pressures? I’m not a math guy, but that seems like a fairly—
Prince Charming: Hahaha, oh Steely, you jokester. No, no conclusions should be drawn from that. And besides, have you seen me run? Give me a full season, and I’ll prove that was just a flukey sample.
Steely McBeam: Oh god, you are impressive. Well let’s talk about you guys as runners. Slim, you’re the dual-threat guy, surely you led this group in rushing?
Slim: Acutally, that was —
Casey Jones: Wrong again, Mr. Beam Man. Like the quarterbacks I grew up watching in my region, I’m deceptively fast. Your boy can scoot! In fact, I’m the only quarterback in this series to top 1,000 yards on the ground.* For this series, my elusiveness rating and 54 missed tackles forced also leave the rest of my competition in the dust.
*When excluding yards lost from sacks, which count against NCAA rushing totals
Prince Charming: Again, I just didn’t play enough, but I’ll once again remind you I reeled off a 67-yard scoring scamper just a few plays into my first major action.
Steely McBeam: Well, yinz, these signal callers have made their cases. Two of the three are likely to return to school in 2027, although all three have the option. Casey Jones is the most likely to declare, but has he impressed you enough to ward off the potential of our other two contestants? That’s up to you! Let’s fully reveal our candidates!
Prince Charming — Arch Manning, Texas
Mark J. Rebilas-Imagn Images
Casey Jones — John Mateer, Oklahoma
Photo by Soobum Im/Getty Images
Slim — Aidan Chiles, Michigan State
Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images
Steely McBeam: Make your voice heard! Vote in our poll below, and be share to share with your friends and family so we can get their votes counted too!
What are your thoughts on these prospects? Let us know in the comments! And keep an eye out for future “episodes” in the coming weeks.